josiah+co. Blog — Pregnancy + Infant Loss

We were supposed to have our anatomy scan today. The clinic actually called yesterday to remind me, but what they didn’t know was we lost the babe 5 weeks ago.⠀ Reminders like this always catch me off guard. I’ll think I’m doing ok, and then I realize I’m not... and that’s ok. I spent the afternoon yesterday crying it out to sappy sad music.⠀ I’m trying to let myself feel it, amidst everything else that is going on in our world today, I'm trying to feel it. And it all feels so damn heavy.⠀ People losing babies, mothers dying during...

I’m technically still pregnant. Pregnant with a corpse; a shell of what once was.⠀ My body hasn’t registered our loss yet. She’s just going about her day, oblivious to the reality within her. ⠀ I guess she never got the paperwork.⠀ So I’ll wait with her.⠀ We are waiting and I am fighting for the care I know she needs.⠀ Amidst covid restrictions, and red taped ORs, I’m waiting to find someone who will take us in; someone who will save us the trauma and possibility of bleeding out at home.⠀ The reality is, first trimester loss isn’t ‘just a...

It has been 5 years since my body first birthed death; since having to say hello and goodbye all in one breath.⠀ This boy made me a mother of sons, but I walked out of the hospital empty handed and broken hearted that weekend.⠀ I will never forget those moments. The moments of dropping my eldest son off at friends, so I could go to the hospital alone to birth a baby I knew I wouldn’t be taking home. The moments of calling my husband halfway around the world to tell him our son had died. The pain, and the...

I want to give women the freedom to grieve, to speak their babies’ names, and to provide insight into those around them on how to best support them as they walk this journey.

I’ve compiled a little list on what we’ve found helpful support-wise in our grief journey. I hope that you find it helpful too.