We were supposed to have our anatomy scan today. The clinic actually called yesterday to remind me, but what they didn’t know was we lost the babe 5 weeks ago.⠀
Reminders like this always catch me off guard. I’ll think I’m doing ok, and then I realize I’m not... and that’s ok. I spent the afternoon yesterday crying it out to sappy sad music.⠀
I’m trying to let myself feel it, amidst everything else that is going on in our world today, I'm trying to feel it. And it all feels so damn heavy.⠀
People losing babies, mothers dying during birth, black sons and daughters slain in the streets, the entire world navigating a global pandemic... it’s all so much isn’t it?⠀
I don’t know the answer to any of it, and I’m floundering amidst it all. But what I do know is that at some point we need to feel the weight of it, we need to lean into the pain rather than numb out.⠀
When we lean into the pain we begin to heal; we begin to heal and we move toward action to change not only the story-lines of our own lives but the story-lines of the world.⠀