Leaning into the Pain

Pregnancy + Infant Loss

We were supposed to have our anatomy scan today. The clinic actually called yesterday to remind me, but what they didn’t know was we lost the babe 5 weeks ago.

Reminders like this always catch me off guard. I’ll think I’m doing ok, and then I realize I’m not... and that’s ok. I spent the afternoon yesterday crying it out to sappy sad music.

I’m trying to let myself feel it, amidst everything else that is going on in our world today, I'm trying to feel it. And it all feels so damn heavy.

People losing babies, mothers dying during birth, black sons and daughters slain in the streets, the entire world navigating a global pandemic... it’s all so much isn’t it?

I don’t know the answer to any of it, and I’m floundering amidst it all. But what I do know is that at some point we need to feel the weight of it, we need to lean into the pain rather than numb out.

When we lean into the pain we begin to heal; we begin to heal and we move toward action to change not only the story-lines of our own lives but the story-lines of the world.

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