josiah+co. Blog — Stillbirth

8 years of missing you. The sting of your absence has stretched out with time. At certain moments the scar gets scratched open and the salty triggers remind me of all we are missing and have missed. Brothers chasing each other in the greenhouse, and imagining you with yours.Pregnancy announcements, even still, and the breath I hold desperately hoping they make it.Dear friends with two under 2, and the reminder of how desperately I wanted you and your brother close in age. The birth of fresh new babies, even after holding three healthy ones of my own. The sadness that...

We all will experience grief of sorts in our life and yet it is rarely talked about. So when we are confronted with grief we often don’t know how to navigate through it, we get stuck. I’ve been journeying through grief now for 12 years. My journey started when my step-father passed away suddenly in 2008 and has continued these past 6 years as I’ve navigated through recurrent second-trimester pregnancy loss. I’m well acquainted with grief; we’ve become good buddies butting heads every now and then.  As I’ve navigated through this journey here are a few things that have been...

It has been 5 years since my body first birthed death; since having to say hello and goodbye all in one breath.⠀ This boy made me a mother of sons, but I walked out of the hospital empty handed and broken hearted that weekend.⠀ I will never forget those moments. The moments of dropping my eldest son off at friends, so I could go to the hospital alone to birth a baby I knew I wouldn’t be taking home. The moments of calling my husband halfway around the world to tell him our son had died. The pain, and the...

Five years ago I had a dream. I had a dream that I gave birth to a son, our second son. His name was Josiah, and I was told Josiah meant ‘God heals’. Little did I know months later I would become pregnant with this second son of mine, and I would have to say goodbye too soon. I can still feel the cold jelly on my bare stomach as the ultrasound tech left the room to ‘check that the images were turning out okay.’ My swollen belly exposed to an empty room, the minutes passing, and my mind running...

4 years ago today I birthed our second born.⠀⠀I didn’t get to leave the hospital with him.⠀⠀I didn’t get to feel his warmth or give him his first bath.⠀⠀I didn’t get to watch him grow or learn to walk or talk or ride a bike.⠀⠀I didn’t even get to whisper goodbye to a listening ear.⠀⠀I walked out empty handed and broken-hearted.⠀⠀Some parents don’t get to parent their second born.⠀⠀They are left to navigate the waters of parenting after loss, of loving and grieving, breathing and dying all at the same time.⠀⠀We don’t get to choose our paths.⠀⠀And to be honest,...