4 years ago today I birthed our second born.⠀
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I didn’t get to leave the hospital with him.⠀
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I didn’t get to feel his warmth or give him his first bath.⠀
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I didn’t get to watch him grow or learn to walk or talk or ride a bike.⠀
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I didn’t even get to whisper goodbye to a listening ear.⠀
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I walked out empty handed and broken-hearted.⠀
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Some parents don’t get to parent their second born.⠀
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They are left to navigate the waters of parenting after loss, of loving and grieving, breathing and dying all at the same time.⠀
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We don’t get to choose our paths.⠀
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And to be honest, it hurts.⠀
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It hurts that no matter how carefully you plan out your family, how close you want your kids in age, it may not turn out that way. It stings.⠀
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But it is survivable.⠀
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You learn to adapt and live with the grief. You learn to keep living without the one who grew inside you.⠀
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And here I am, 4 years later. Still without you, still missing you, and still longing for the day we reunite.⠀
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Josiah. Today you are remembered, on your birthday. Still.
