josiah+co. Blog — Loss

I’m not quite sure when I started holding my breath. It was far before I heard the words “there’s no longer a heart beat.” And long before the church taught me my body didn’t belong to me.

Grief has a way of unearthing the deepest parts of us. It shakes the foundation of who we are, leaving us questioning everything we thought we knew. For many of us, the journey of rediscovery begins with deconstruction – a powerful process of unlearning, reevaluating, and rebuilding.  If you’re navigating grief and identity shifts, this could be the path to reclaiming your authentic self. What is Deconstruction? Deconstruction is the process of critically examining beliefs, values, and systems that once shaped your identity. While it’s often associated with faith, it can apply to any area of life. After a loss,...

Yesterday she told me she wants me to have another baby. And my heart nearly broke open.  Even though that chapter is so far behind me, it still stings like hell.  The grief of my wretched fertility journey still lingers on the surface. The subtle reminders of all it took to get here, and all that I lost along the way.  There's this odd duality to it all. Being grateful for where I am, yet this unnamable emotion attached to the deep pain experienced along the way.  It's not hatred, or anger, or bitterness, because the pain is so attached to the joy. And without the pain of what...

Grief often feels like a holding of breath. I hold my breath, not wanting to release, in fear I’ll lose my connection to the ones (and things) I so desperately wanted to hold close.  I hold my breath, not wanting to release, in fear I’ll never come down the other side. I hold my breath. I hold my breath. I hold my breath. Every,last, breath.  My grief has become my closest companion. It has seen me through the darkest of times, and I can’t simply let it go. I can’t let her go. So I hold my breath. I hold my breath...

When we think of grief, we often think of the immediate, tangible losses: a loved one, a relationship, or a dream. But what about the grief that hides in the shadows? The parts of our lives that quietly unravel in the aftermath of loss?

These are the silent griefs. The ones no one talks about.