josiah+co. Blog — Missed Miscarriage
8 Years of Missing You
Grief Miscarriage Miscarriage Awareness Missed Miscarriage Pregnancy + Infant Loss StillbirthMelissa Sulley
8 years of missing you. The sting of your absence has stretched out with time. At certain moments the scar gets scratched open and the salty triggers remind me of all we are missing and have missed. Brothers chasing each other in the greenhouse, and imagining you with yours.Pregnancy announcements, even still, and the breath I hold desperately hoping they make it.Dear friends with two under 2, and the reminder of how desperately I wanted you and your brother close in age. The birth of fresh new babies, even after holding three healthy ones of my own. The sadness that...
Technically Still Pregnant
Missed Miscarriage Pregnancy + Infant LossMelissa Sulley
I’m technically still pregnant. Pregnant with a corpse; a shell of what once was.⠀ My body hasn’t registered our loss yet. She’s just going about her day, oblivious to the reality within her. ⠀ I guess she never got the paperwork.⠀ So I’ll wait with her.⠀ We are waiting and I am fighting for the care I know she needs.⠀ Amidst covid restrictions, and red taped ORs, I’m waiting to find someone who will take us in; someone who will save us the trauma and possibility of bleeding out at home.⠀ The reality is, first trimester loss isn’t ‘just a...
faith Grief Loss Miscarriage Miscarriage Awareness Missed Miscarriage Motherhood Parenting after loss Pregnancy and loss awareness SupportMelissa Sulley
From heartbreak to healing
faith Grief Miscarriage Miscarriage Awareness Missed Miscarriage Motherhood Parenting after loss Pregnancy and loss awareness Stillbirth SupportMelissa Sulley
Five years ago I had a dream. I had a dream that I gave birth to a son, our second son. His name was Josiah, and I was told Josiah meant ‘God heals’. Little did I know months later I would become pregnant with this second son of mine, and I would have to say goodbye too soon. I can still feel the cold jelly on my bare stomach as the ultrasound tech left the room to ‘check that the images were turning out okay.’ My swollen belly exposed to an empty room, the minutes passing, and my mind running...
faith Loss Miscarriage Miscarriage Awareness Missed Miscarriage Motherhood Parenting after loss Pregnancy after loss Pregnancy and loss awareness ResourcesMelissa Sulley
What has been one of the most painful seasons of my life has also been one of the most joy filled. It’s a bittersweet dichotomy. The beauty alongside the pain. They go hand in hand.
I wouldn’t have Eliyanah without the loss. I wouldn’t have Ezekiel without the shameful journey of pregnancy before marriage. The pain, the shame, the guilt, the questions, I’d do it all over again. A million times over.