Technically Still Pregnant

Missed Miscarriage Pregnancy + Infant Loss

I’m technically still pregnant. Pregnant with a corpse; a shell of what once was.

My body hasn’t registered our loss yet. She’s just going about her day, oblivious to the reality within her.

I guess she never got the paperwork.

So I’ll wait with her.

We are waiting and I am fighting for the care I know she needs.

Amidst covid restrictions, and red taped ORs, I’m waiting to find someone who will take us in; someone who will save us the trauma and possibility of bleeding out at home.

The reality is, first trimester loss isn’t ‘just a heavy period’. My body and I have experienced it before at 9 weeks, and it was awful.

Covered in blood, passing clot after clot after clot in my own home, I thought I was dying. When the bleeding stopped I thought it was over; I thought my body was in the clear. But 24 hours later it started again, and I had to pull my tiny little baby out of my precious body because once again she was holding on.

She also held on at 16 weeks. After medication to induce labour, she released our little babe. But tissue was retained and 24 hours later I was passing clots the size of my hand. Thankfully I was in the hospital and able to have a D&C immediately.

I can only imagine what my body will do at 12 weeks.

I know what she needs.

So I sit here, and I wait. Still pregnant.

Advocating for my precious body.

Older Post Newer Post

Leave a comment

Please note, comments must be approved before they are published

Liquid error (layout/theme line 167): Could not find asset snippets/spurit_uev-theme-snippet.liquid