josiah+co. Blog — Parenting after loss

Yesterday she told me she wants me to have another baby. And my heart nearly broke open.  Even though that chapter is so far behind me, it still stings like hell.  The grief of my wretched fertility journey still lingers on the surface. The subtle reminders of all it took to get here, and all that I lost along the way.  There's this odd duality to it all. Being grateful for where I am, yet this unnamable emotion attached to the deep pain experienced along the way.  It's not hatred, or anger, or bitterness, because the pain is so attached to the joy. And without the pain of what...

Grief often feels like a holding of breath. I hold my breath, not wanting to release, in fear I’ll lose my connection to the ones (and things) I so desperately wanted to hold close.  I hold my breath, not wanting to release, in fear I’ll never come down the other side. I hold my breath. I hold my breath. I hold my breath. Every,last, breath.  My grief has become my closest companion. It has seen me through the darkest of times, and I can’t simply let it go. I can’t let her go. So I hold my breath. I hold my breath...

When we think of grief, we often think of the immediate, tangible losses: a loved one, a relationship, or a dream. But what about the grief that hides in the shadows? The parts of our lives that quietly unravel in the aftermath of loss?

These are the silent griefs. The ones no one talks about.

Grief is a deeply personal and often isolating experience. It comes in many forms, each with its unique weight and complexity. Whether you are mourning the child you never got to meet, the partner you thought you’d grow old with, or the faith that once gave you a sense of certainty, grief leaves its mark. It changes you—but it doesn’t have to define you forever. Perhaps your grief is tied to the version of yourself you thought you’d be by now—the one who imagined a life filled with joy, stability, and dreams realized. Or maybe your loss is less tangible...

This New Years felt different for me. There was no rushing to craft resolutions or setting lofty goals. Instead, it felt like a significant moment—a deep ‘settling in.’ Settling into myself, my journey, and all the ways my life has shifted in the past few years. A Journey of Transformation The past five years have brought immense change, profound loss, and bittersweet growth. As a single co-parent to three earth-side kiddos, I’ve navigated life’s complexities with as much grace as I could muster. There’s been recurrent miscarriage, the shift from a partnered life to a solo one, and the unraveling...