Yet again we say goodbye

On Father’s Day, Sunday June 16th, we said goodbye to our Son, Jezreel, at 16 weeks 5 days.⠀

In the days leading up to our loss, I had a ‘bad feeling’ his heart had stopped beating. Having walked this road numerous times before, I wasn’t sure if I was being paranoid or sensing reality as I had before. So I went into the labour & delivery triage department since it was the weekend and asked them to be assessed. And sure enough my ‘bad feeling’ was confirmed. Our little boy’s tiny heart had stopped beating within the last week.⠀

As with our previous second term losses, I was induced to give labour, followed by a D&C to remove the placenta. I was in the hospital overnight for a total of 29 hours.⠀

Monday morning while sitting with the geneticist that works at McMaster, our geneticist from Credit Valley called my cell phone to inform me she got our parental genetics tests back.⠀

I carry a ‘variant of unknown significance’ on gene SCN5A. This gene is responsible for sodium channels in the heart. Jordan, the babe we lost prior to Jezreel, also carried this variant. This variant has been identified in patients with dilated cardiomyopathy, long QT syndrome, atrial fibrillation, and sudden cardiac death 😬 BUT it’s also been reported in control populations and some studies suggest it has no impact on QTc intervals in carriers compared to non-carriers.⠀

So basically I have this genetic variant but they aren’t sure if it’s caused our late miscarriages. It possible it has, but it’s also possible it hasn’t 🙄⠀

Moving forward, I’m being referred to a Cardiac Specialist to check the medical condition of my emotionally broken heart 😭 to make sure I don’t have any heart issues that have been laying dormant. They will also check Jezreel’s genes to see if he carries the variant as well... but since we are no longer pregnant test results could take 6 months to a year to come back 🙄⠀

In regards to our fertility journey.... 🤷🏼‍♀️⠀

I just want to say thank you to everyone who has stepped in the past few days to support us. Honestly, this community means the world to us, and we could not walk through this without you. THANK YOU 💕⠀

And a huge thank you to Dorothy May photography for taking some of the most difficult photos you have probably ever had to take. ⠀

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