josiah+co. Blog — Deconstruction

This New Years felt different for me. There was no rushing to craft resolutions or setting lofty goals. Instead, it felt like a significant moment—a deep ‘settling in.’ Settling into myself, my journey, and all the ways my life has shifted in the past few years. A Journey of Transformation The past five years have brought immense change, profound loss, and bittersweet growth. As a single co-parent to three earth-side kiddos, I’ve navigated life’s complexities with as much grace as I could muster. There’s been recurrent miscarriage, the shift from a partnered life to a solo one, and the unraveling...

Sometimes I don’t want to feel all my feelings because there are so many of them when navigating life after loss and divorce and deconstruction… and f*ck this is a lot. This season has been so disorienting as I find my footing after splitting from my partner. It’s been two years, and it still feels really really heavy. Even though we have gotten into a groove of co-parenting the kids and seeing them on a consistent basis, it still feels awful. There’s been a lot of big feelings in our house. Big feelings from the kids. Even bigger feelings from...

Calvin* and I began experiencing strains in our relationship prior to my first experience with grief. The exclusivity, intensity, and pride that characterized our interactions had begun to weigh on my heart. I was playing a part; whitewashing my tomb. I said all the right things, behaved in all the right ways, but behind closed doors I was suffocating.   I knew our divorce was inevitable the day my step dad died. Our pastor sat me down and explained to me how God was glorified by sending my loved one to hell. I nodded my head, thanked him for his...