We all need people in our corner. People who understand our journey, or at least aspects of it. There is something healing about being seen and heard; having our stories validated. Being able to speak with no filters, and share all our raw thoughts and emotions with no judgement.
When I experienced our first loss I didn’t know anyone else around me who had experienced a similar journey; until I started talking about it. As I shared my story, other people began sharing their stories with me and I was able to build a community around myself with people who understood.
These people became my people. The ones who walked alongside me during subsequent losses. The ones who dropped off food when cooking for my family was too exhausting. The ones who would come over with a bottle of wine and say “this f#*%ing sucks.” They were willing to sit with me in my pain and let me process my thoughts and emotions in my own timing. They were ok with getting uncomfortable in the silence.
Surrounding myself with a few good people who were empathetic and understood the complexities of my journey in one way or another has been life saving. This doesn’t mean they each experienced recurrent pregnancy loss, but they each were acquainted with grief of sorts and were able to sit with me in my pain and grief.
Here are some of the qualities I’ve noticed in these few good people:
- They listen
- They ask questions when I’m receptive, and change the subject when I don’t want to talk about it
- They make me laugh (and laughter is oh so healing - yay for those endorphins)
- They don’t minimize my pain or make me explain it away
- They make me feel safe, comfortable, and important
- They hold space for all my questions without the need to provide answers
Guarantee there are a few good people around you. Find them, and hold onto them. You’ll need them.
Today’s Mantra: “I am not alone. There are others who understand.”
Today’s Writing Prompts: List the people who are in your corner, or people you want in your corner. This can even be internet friends ;) What qualities do you see in these people?
Today’s Action: Reach out to 1 or 2 of these people today and let them know how much you appreciate them. Make a point to connect with them regularly; we all need people to process our grief with.
*Don’t forget to tag me at the end of the day in your stories and let me know how today’s challenge went.
Friends, thank you for walking this journey with me the past 5 days. I hope that you have found these mantras and prompts helpful. Return to these whenever you need them. Print them out and hang them on your wall where you can see them. Remind yourself daily that your grief is valid and you are not alone.
This is your journey. These are your truths. You are not broken, you are not to blame. You are allowed to feel all the feels, and you have a community around you who is walking in grief with you.
Just a reminder, I am not a licensed therapist. If you feel like you need to talk to someone professionally I encourage you to do so. There is no shame in seeking professional help in your grief.
Thank you for journeying with me,