Navigating grief + joy — Missed Miscarriage

Technically Still Pregnant

Melissa Sulley Missed Miscarriage Pregnancy + Infant Loss

Technically Still Pregnant

I’m technically still pregnant. Pregnant with a corpse; a shell of what once was.⠀ My body hasn’t registered our loss yet. She’s just going about her day, oblivious to the reality within her. ⠀ I guess she never got the paperwork.⠀ So I’ll wait with her.⠀ We are waiting and I am fighting for the care I know she needs.⠀ Amidst covid restrictions, and red taped ORs, I’m waiting to find someone who will take us in; someone who will save us the trauma and possibility of bleeding out at home.⠀ The reality is, first trimester loss isn’t ‘just a...

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You are not broken

Melissa Sulley Grief Loss Miscarriage Miscarriage Awareness Missed Miscarriage Parenting after loss Stillbirth

You are not broken

She bleeds deep red, her womb no longer home. Weeping in the night, she’s torn apart by sorrow.

Emptiness becomes her. When will I carry life again? she asks, will death encompass me forever?

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Becoming unpregnant

Melissa Sulley faith Grief Loss Miscarriage Miscarriage Awareness Missed Miscarriage Motherhood Parenting after loss Pregnancy and loss awareness Support

Becoming unpregnant

I walk a fine line between grief and relief. Grieving the life we lost, and yet relieved I’m no longer pregnant.Grieving the son we will never get to know, and yet relieved because I was terrified to parent three children on earth. I was excited to welcome a third babe on this earth, but I was terrified by how a third...

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From heartbreak to healing

Melissa Sulley faith Grief Miscarriage Miscarriage Awareness Missed Miscarriage Motherhood Parenting after loss Pregnancy and loss awareness Stillbirth Support

Five years ago I had a dream. I had a dream that I gave birth to a son, our second son. His name was Josiah, and I was told Josiah meant ‘God heals’. Little did I know months later I would become pregnant with this second son of mine, and I would have to say goodbye too soon. I can still feel the cold jelly on my bare stomach as the ultrasound tech left the room to ‘check that the images were turning out okay.’ My swollen belly exposed to an empty room, the minutes passing, and my mind running...

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Even still

Melissa Sulley faith Loss Miscarriage Miscarriage Awareness Missed Miscarriage Motherhood Parenting after loss Pregnancy after loss Pregnancy and loss awareness Resources

What has been one of the most painful seasons of my life has also been one of the most joy filled. It’s a bittersweet dichotomy. The beauty alongside the pain. They go hand in hand.

I wouldn’t have Eliyanah without the loss. I wouldn’t have Ezekiel without the shameful journey of pregnancy before marriage. The pain, the shame, the guilt, the questions, I’d do it all over again. A million times over.

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