Navigating grief + joy — Loss

You are not broken

Melissa Sulley Grief Loss Miscarriage Miscarriage Awareness Missed Miscarriage Parenting after loss Stillbirth

You are not broken

She bleeds deep red, her womb no longer home. Weeping in the night, she’s torn apart by sorrow.

Emptiness becomes her. When will I carry life again? she asks, will death encompass me forever?

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One decade

Melissa Sulley faith Grief Loss Miscarriage Awareness Motherhood Parenting after loss

This past decade has been extremely painful and beautiful; full of grief and joy.   I graduated university. Left my church. Moved cities. Had my heart broken. Lost friends.   I fell in love with Hamilton. Found a new church. Made new friends.   I discovered the Holy Spirit. Lost my faith. Discovered new expressions of faith. Left the church again.   I became a wife and a mother.   I birthed both life and death.   I broke up with myself as I learned how to parent, and learned how to parent after loss, again and again and again....

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The Shittiest Club Around - Jason's Story

Melissa Sulley Grief Guest Post Loss Parenting after loss Pregnancy and loss awareness Support

The Shittiest Club Around - Jason's Story

Three years ago, I joined the shittiest club in the world. I thought this club would make me "better." You know, heal all the wounds I had experienced; whatever that means. I'm getting ahead of myself though - you see, three years ago we lost a child. We already had two healthy, alive children, and we weren't expecting anything different with this one either. My wife was eight days overdue with our third, and we were prepared. The kids were ready, the room and crib were prepared, the holy-shit-it's-time-hospital bag was packed and ready to go. We were ready. Until...

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The art of crochet + storytelling

Melissa Sulley Grief Loss Miscarriage Miscarriage Awareness Parenting after loss

My grief had become unbearable. Pushed down and ignored, it came to a bubbling point after our ‘rainbow baby’ arrived. This was supposed to be a joyful time, wasn’t it? I was supposed to be happy and ecstatic that our ‘rainbow’ was finally here. Wasn’t she supposed to wipe all the grief away? Heal the pain of our previous losses?Instead of joy, and delight, and gratefulness, I was drowning in fear, and anger, and guilt. As I held my screaming newborn I would dose off in daydreams, finding myself running away to far away places or driving my car off...

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Sitting together

Melissa Sulley faith Grief Loss Miscarriage Awareness Parenting after loss

Sitting together

I’ve been reflecting a lot on what it means to wrestle together. To provide each other with the space and freedom to ask some of the deepest questions we have buried deep within.Grief has a tendency to cause these questions to bubble up, to rise to the surface until we cannot contain them anymore. Who is God really?Is he actually good?If everything happens for a reason, did God will my babies to die or did God cause x, y and z?Traditionally we have been taught to shove these questions below the surface. How dare we question the God of the...

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