Today I choose

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Yesterday marked one month since I birthed Jordan into Heaven. But I completely forgot until this morning.

I was reflecting on yesterday, and was wondering why I was having such a difficult day emotionally. In addition to it being the one month mark, I also had a super frustrating appointment with my family doctor - I won’t get into details, but basically I walked out feeling unheard.

The anniversary dates, the subtle reminders, they can hit you like a ton of bricks without you even realizing it. You can walk through your day wondering “why the eff do I feel like garbage?” And it isn’t until later you realize why.

People often ask how I’m doing. And honestly I don’t know how to answer that question most of the times. I’m ok. But I’m also not ok. And it’s ok to not be ok. I’m taking each day at a time, and learning to be gracious with myself and others in the midst of it all.

I’m slowly learning how to walk out this journey with all it’s questions, fears, and doubts. I’m giving myself grace to ask the hard questions, and to wrestle with the doubts in hope. Because that’s the thing... in the darkness of this journey there is still joy and there is still hope.

So today, I choose hope. I choose to believe this darkness won’t last forever. I choose to believe there is joy in the journey. I choose to believe God is still by my side. I choose to believe.

What is something you need to choose to believe today? I’m standing with you friends.

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