I was convinced this babe was our Sequoia.
The long awaited for one after another late loss.
The harvest after a long winter.
Our final babe to complete our family.
I believed my season had come, that this seed would turn into my Sequoia.
Yet now, I'm thrown back into a long winter. Back into a season of waiting.
My soul is tired. It's so so tired. And uncertainty descends.
"Melt the ice of this wild soul, till the barren is beautiful" .... till the barren is beautiful.
Can I handle another winter? Can I handle another season of mourning, and waiting, and not knowing?
One thing I do know, is that this waiting, this longing, will bring about a greater appreciation for our last little babe.
It doesn't take the pain of loss away. It doesn't make the winter less frigid, but it does make it a little more bearable.
I really do believe that my season will come. And this is how I hang on to hope amidst the immeasurable pain.
"Though my waiting prolongs even greater, your promise for me like a seed, I believe that my season will come.... And when I finally see my tree, still I believe there's a season to come."
Seasons - Words and Music by Chris Davenport, Benjamin Hastings & Ben Tan
Like the frost on a rose
Winter comes for us all
Oh how nature acquaints us
With the nature of patience
Like a seed in the snow
I’ve been buried to grow
For Your promise is loyal
From seed to sequoia
Though the winter is long even richer
The harvest it brings
Though my waiting prolongs even greater
Your promise for me like a seed
I believe that my season will come
Lord I think of Your love
Like the low winter sun
As I gaze I am blinded
In the light of Your brightness
Like a fire to the snow
I’m renewed in Your warmth
Melt the ice of this wild soul
Till the barren is beautiful
I can see the promise
I can see the future
You’re the God of seasons
I’m just in the winter
If all I know of harvest
Is that it’s worth my patience
Then if You’re not done working
God I’m not done waiting
You can see my promise
Even in the winter
Cause You’re the God of greatness
Even in a manger
For all I know of seasons
Is that You take Your time
You could have saved us in a second
Instead You sent a child
And when I finally see my tree
Still I believe there’s a season to come
Like a seed You were sown
For the sake of us all
From Bethlehem’s soil
Grew Calvary’s sequoia