Carried: Navigating grief + joy — Grief

The art of crochet + storytelling

Melissa Sulley Grief Loss Miscarriage Miscarriage Awareness Parenting after loss

My grief had become unbearable.Pushed down and ignored, it came to a bubbling point after our ‘rainbow baby’ arrived.This was supposed to be a joyful time, wasn’t it? I was supposed to be happy and ecstatic that our ‘rainbow’ was finally here. Wasn’t she supposed to wipe all the grief away? Heal the pain of our previous losses?Instead of joy, and delight, and gratefulness, I was drowning in fear, and anger, and guilt. As I held my screaming newborn I would dose off in daydreams, finding myself running away to far away places or driving my car off a cliff.I...

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Sitting together

Melissa Sulley faith Grief Loss Miscarriage Awareness Parenting after loss

Sitting together

I’ve been reflecting a lot on what it means to wrestle together. To provide each other with the space and freedom to ask some of the deepest questions we have buried deep within.Grief has a tendency to cause these questions to bubble up, to rise to the surface until we cannot contain them anymore. Who is God really?Is he actually good?If everything happens for a reason, did God will my babies to die or did God cause x, y and z?Traditionally we have been taught to shove these questions below the surface. How dare we question the God of the...

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When life moves forward

Melissa Sulley Grief Loss Miscarriage Miscarriage Awareness

When life moves forward

Yesterday I got my first period after loss. ⠀⠀One of my closest friends also told me they just found out they are expecting.⠀⠀I’ll be honest. It wrecked me. I am wrecked.⠀⠀With previous losses I’ve been able to navigate this a lot better. I’ve been able to hold the joy for another + grief for myself in each hand.⠀⠀But this time is different. This time all I can hold in both hands is grief. I feel no joy, and I feel awful. ⠀⠀I should be happy for my friend. But I am so sad for myself.⠀⠀This sadness is heightened because this...

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The Middle - Aly's Story

Melissa Sulley faith Grief Guest Post Loss Miscarriage Miscarriage Awareness Motherhood Parenting after loss Pregnancy and loss awareness Resources Support

The Middle - Aly's Story

Often, we hear stories about pregnancy loss after there’s a happy ending, redemption…a rainbow baby that eases the pain after the storm. There is a definite need for people to hear these stories. They have a place, and they give a sense of hope to families who have lost their unborn babies. These are the types of stories that got me through my first miscarriage. Knowing that this is fairly common (1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage), and that there was light at the end of the tunnel was promising.

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Becoming unpregnant

Melissa Sulley faith Grief Loss Miscarriage Miscarriage Awareness Missed Miscarriage Motherhood Parenting after loss Pregnancy and loss awareness Support

Becoming unpregnant

I walk a fine line between grief and relief. Grieving the life we lost, and yet relieved I’m no longer pregnant.Grieving the son we will never get to know, and yet relieved because I was terrified to parent three children on earth. I was excited to welcome a third babe on this earth, but I was terrified by how a third...

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